The Office Holiday Party…

Tis the season for the requisite company holiday party.

You know the one… bad food, garish Christmas ties and one too many hands on your ass.

A quick story about an office holiday party gone way, way, WAY bad, and a few survival tips to get you through yours, unscathed.

Imagine if you will,  an office party  set in a cool downtown work loft.  About 40 -50 people, young, hip, cool, well-dressed urban professionals, drinking, eating and enjoying the twinkling urban lights through floor to ceiling windows.

Flash forward to 2:00 am. Tequila is STILL flowing …directly into open mouths. Music is blaring and someone’s rolling those “funny” cigarettes.  Dresses are hiked up, shirts are open, sweat is mingling.  Flash forward to 3:30 am …Holy shit! People are not leaving…who the hell is going to clean this mess???  Who are those people on the pool table????  Who is that yummy dark man in the corner with his shoes off?????  5:00 am, …DEAR GOD.

1. DO NOT MAKE-OUT WITH THE HOT CO-WORKER, or for that matter any co-worker. You both have to show up for work the next day, and as hot a lover as you think you are, the talk in the office will be that you easily put out under the mistletoe.
2. DO NOT WEAR YOUR SHORTEST, TIGHTEST, SKIMPIEST, TRASHIEST, SPARKLIEST, or anything that unintentionally shows your thong to the guys in the mailroom.  Not sexy, not professional.
3. DO NOT OVER-INDULGE IN THE OPEN BAR, because your boss is watching you with his blurry vision, and will say something in his slurred speech, and your response will not be anything you want to recall at your review.
4. DO NOT GET BOOTYLICIOUS on the dance floor.   Enough said.
5. DO NOT BE THE LAST ONE TO LEAVE THE PARTY, granted you might miss the hot sweaty nakedness at 3:30 am, but there is something to be said for MISSING THE NAKEDNESS at 3:30 am.
6. BRING SOMETHING TASTEFUL TO THE GIFT EXCHANGE. Happy Holidays!

~ by GoBackToBed on December 18, 2009.